


Growing Pains

by TheReadingNook



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Domestic Fluff, F/M, First Day of School, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-13
Updated: 2019-09-13
Packaged: 2020-11-02 01:02:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20568530
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheReadingNook/pseuds/TheReadingNook
Summary: He reaches for her, cupping her cheek and pulling her towards him."You still love me, right?" he whispers.Her mouth curves in response and she places a hand over his heart, because she's always felt that it's hers to protect."More than ever," she tells him.





	Growing Pains

All summer, he's fine.

In early June, their daughter's preschool has a year-end picnic and he smiles through the entire thing, sipping lemonade and watching Avery alternate between clumsily kicking a soccer ball and melodramatically saying good-bye to friends like she might never see them again, because they happen to be attending other schools in the fall.

By mid-July, she decides that she's ready for the training wheels to come off her bike, and while Rey frets at the curb, nervously patting the wad of band aids in her back pocket, he hoots and hollers, letting go of the back of her seat with ease, as if he, like Avery, has no fear whatsoever.

In August, they spend a week at the beach, and by the last day, Avery wants to swim without her water wings. He lets her do it for a good five minutes, until the waves start to pick up and it's hard for her to keep her head above water. The whole time, Rey's holding her breath, her heart pounding in time to the ocean. And the truth is, she envies him, the calm, cool way that he's handling the fact that Avery is, day by day, inch by inch, growing up.

Like Ben, Rey is bursting with pride, of course, because, by anyone's account, their daughter has become a lovely little girl, bright and sweet, but she's a bit heartsick as well, like she's lost something precious that she won't ever be able to get back. Ben, on the other hand, seems to take it all in stride, as if he finds nothing but joy in watching Avery learn to navigate the world just a little bit more each day, in seeing her truly become her own little person. But then, just like that, the air turns cool and suddenly something seems to shift.

They spend Labour Day barbecuing with Han and Leia, Avery showing off her newly learned cart-wheeling skills, and it's as if some alarm has gone off inside him. He smiles when she demands, "Daddy! Watch!," but it's forced, worried almost. The next day, they take her to buy a backpack, a pencil case with fat little penguins all over it, and Ben's quiet the whole time, his jaw clenched. He watches Avery dart down the aisles, her sneakers squeaking on the tiled floor, and it's as if he's wondering exactly how best to go about locking her up in a tower, somewhere that time and the world can't touch her.

It's finally hit him, Rey thinks. What's happening here. Their baby girl is starting kindergarten in the morning and an entire chapter in their life with her is over. She squeezes his hand in the check-out line, and he shakes his head in disbelief. She knows exactly what he's thinking. Where did all the time go?

* * *

When the mattress ripples with the force of his tossing and turning for what feels like the hundredth time in two minutes, she finally opens her eyes. It's barely midnight, but they'd gone to bed fairly early, in preparation for the big day ahead of them. She'd worried that she'd have trouble sleeping herself, but she drifted off almost as soon as they'd fallen into bed. Until Ben started with the rocking and rolling. And if his antsy movements hadn't forced her awake, the loud, almost melodramatic sighs that followed them certainly would have.

With a groan, she flings back the blanket and rolls onto her back. "Ben?"

He turns his head, eyes shining in the dark. "Oh," he says, trying to sound casual. "You're awake?"

"Of course, I'm awake. You're shaking the mattress so much that you're making me sea sick."

He huffs indignantly. "I don't know what you're talking about. I was just trying to get comfortable."

"Ben, please. I've been sleeping next to you for nearly seven years now. I know when something's wrong."

He sighs, reaching up to rub at his eyes.

She knows what this is all about, what's troubling him and making sleep impossible to come by. But she also knows that he needs to talk about it, whether he realizes it or not, and maybe, just maybe, she needs to as well.

"I'm thinking that maybe we made a big mistake," he confesses. "Maybe it's too soon."

She smiles, reaching out to stroke his arm. "I know how hard this is. I mean, God knows I'm having trouble with it myself, but it's not too soon. It's time. You know that, deep down."

He bites his lip, like he can't quite bring himself to agree, and scoots just a little bit closer to her. They've been married for almost six years now, and they still cling to one another in times of hurt or confusion like they did at the beginning. She thinks about it quite a bit, how their relationship has changed over the years, how they've gone from hot, desperate lovers who could barely stand one another to spouses who bicker daily about everything from whether it's the right time to refinance the mortgage to how to properly load the dishwasher, partners who love one another in a way that's both anxious and serene. It may not be quite as thrilling as those early days together, but it's still exciting somehow, this ever growing, deepening knowledge of one another, the shared history that pulses between them like a heartbeat.

It's why he can be honest with her about what he's feeling, why she knows exactly what he needs right now when he doesn't even know it himself. "Let me show you something," she says, pushing herself to the edge of the mattress.

"What? Where are you going?"

She takes his hand and pulls him from the bed. "Just come with me."

She doesn't let go of his hand as they leave their bedroom and move down the hallway. Ben must know where they're headed, but he doesn't say a word, just strokes his thumb against the inside of her wrist and sighs softly. The door to Avery's room is only half-closed, the way it is every night, just in case she might need them. Like her mother, though, she's stubbornly self-sufficient, so it's usually only thunderstorms that send her bounding into their bed. If there's a monster under the bed or a ghost in the closet, her interest is more scientific.

Just as she expected, Avery is sound asleep in her bed. Her hand is tucked beneath her cheek and her mouth is open just a bit, her lips puckered in an almost smile, like she's having a dream about a particularly good popsicle or lollipop.

"Look at her," Rey whispers, her arm curled around Ben's waist. "Does that look like a little girl who's worried? Who's not ready to start kindergarten?"

Ben sighs again, a weary, heavy sound, and absently rubs circles on her shoulder. "She's still so young, Rey. She's not even five yet."

"She'll be five in two months. And she's already reading at a second grade level. She's always asking all these questions, like where the sun goes at night and what the centre of the earth is made of?"

He cocks his head, studying Avery intently as she sleeps. Rey remembers the day that they found out they were having a little girl, how panicked he was, how desperate he was even then to protect her from the world. That need has only grown as the years have passed.

"But that's only part of it," he says now. "Of course, she's smart enough and she's been in pre-school for a while, but this is going to be all day and there's going to be homework and peer pressure and it just — she's still our little girl." He shakes his head, like he can't quite figure out what else to say.

In the dim light of the hallway, she gazes up at him, her own heart stuttering painfully in her chest. "I think what we have to understand is that our not being ready for this isn't the same thing as Avery not being ready," she says. "The fact is, we're never going to be ready for her to grow up, not really, but it's going to happen whether we want it to or not."

He groans, his head thrown back tiredly. "It was just the other day that we were taking parenting classes and fighting over names. How could five years have passed already? How can she be ready to—"

"Shhh," Rey whispers soothingly, laying a finger against his lips. "It's going to be okay. She's not about to steal the car and run off with a biker. We've still got plenty of time."

He glares at her, nipping at her finger just a bit. "Don't even joke about that."

She smiles and tugs him back towards their room. "Let's just try to get some sleep. Tomorrow's a big day for all of us."

They curl up together beneath the sheets, Ben's arm slung around her waist and his face buried in the curve of neck. She closes her eyes, willing herself to relax, and it seems to work somehow, her muscles becoming loose and her head light. It'll be all right, she tells herself. Avery will be fine and she and Ben will be fine and they'll all adjust eventually and it won't be—

"Maybe you were right."

She opens one tired eye. "Ben?" she groans.

"Maybe you were right," he says again. "Maybe we should be sending her to public school. Maybe private school is too structured, too rigid, just too much pressure when she's this young."

Rey sighs, turning in his arms to face him. "Jedi Academy is an excellent school, Ben. We both agreed that Avery would benefit from that environment. Didn't we?"

"Yeah, but as you pointed out to me when we first discussed it, you went to public school and you're the smartest person I know."

She huffs out a quiet little laugh. "And you were the product of a private school education and you're the smartest person that I know so..."

He frowns, looking dubious. "But maybe it's too much. She's barely five-years-old for God's sake."

"Part of the reason we liked Jedi Academy so much was because of the opportunities that would be available to her. Their art and music programs are some of the best in the state, and if Avery proves to be ahead of her classmates academically, they have the accommodations in place to keep her challenged and engaged. It's a really good fit."

He shakes his head, chewing at his lower lip. "Maybe sending her to private school will put too much pressure on her and even though she's obviously gifted, she won't be able to live up to her potential because she'll be too worried and too stressed and—"

Rey smiles and reaches out to stroke his arm. He curls into her, dropping his forehead to her shoulder, and she wraps herself around him like a blanket. "It's kindergarten, Ben. She's not taking the SATs. She's going to be perfecting her cutting-with-safety-scissors skills and learning that water turns to ice when it's cold."

He makes a vaguely offended face. "She already knows that."

Rey laughs, running her fingers through his hair. "I'm just saying that I don't think she's going to crack under that pressure, okay?"

He's still not convinced, she can tell. He sighs heavily and she wonders if he's going to get any sleep tonight at all.

"You know what I think?" she says finally, and he looks up at her eagerly, as if she's got the magic words to make this whole thing easier. "I think that our daughter will excel no matter what school she goes to. She's going to be amazing wherever she is."

He shrugs. "Well, yeah. She _is_ our daughter after all."

Rey giggles again. "Exactly. So stop worrying and get some sleep." She shifts closer to him, rubbing his back in long, slow circles that she knows usually lull him to sleep. It works for her too, and she drifts off just like that, her hand pressed to his warm back.

She's not sure he ever falls asleep.

* * *

He drives to the school like a little old lady, slow and deliberate, as if that might delay the inevitable.

When she woke earlier, he was already out of bed and by the time she and Avery made it downstairs, both dressed for the day ahead, he'd made enough chocolate chip pancakes to feed a football team. She wondered if it was bribery, if he thought that Avery might decide that she didn't want to go to school if she could stay home with copious amounts of syrupy sweet breakfast foods. He didn't count on Avery being so excited that she barely ate a single piece, bouncing in her seat and wondering aloud about the first thing they'd do when she got to school.

Ben pouted all through breakfast, like he'd been betrayed somehow.

The kindergarten classroom at Jedi Academy is bright and airy, with lots of wide open space and an impressive collection of not only educational toys but books and puzzles and art supplies as well. The parents are encouraged to stay for a while but off to the sides, so the students can at least attempt to get acclimated by themselves. They'd already met Avery's teacher, Ms. Connix, a couple of weeks earlier at the open house, and she's as polite and friendly as she was then. Avery seemed to like her quite a bit at their initial meeting, and she chats easily with Ms. Connix now, head bent over a piece of construction paper.

Ben's not quite as impressed. From the corner of the room where they stand, he eyes the teacher suspiciously, like he's trying to remember if he saw her on America's Most Wanted or not.

"Jedi Academy has an outstanding reputation," Rey tells him quietly. "I'm sure they wouldn't have hired Ms. Connix if she wasn't well qualified."

Ben looks over at her in surprise, and she wonders if he truly doesn't realize how transparent he is.

He shrugs then, unconvinced. "She went to Penn State," he says. "Got her masters at SUNY Buffalo. But she did take a year off between her sophomore and junior years as an undergrad. Who knows what that was all about." He looks pensive, honestly giving the proposition great thought. "Hard time at the state pen, a long, lost weekend at a crack house, or maybe an extended stint as the main attraction at a Nevada brothel?" he mutters under his breath.

Rey gapes up at him in horror. "You interrogated her about all of that at the open house?" She's not sure how that's possible since she only left him alone for a few minutes while she went to the washroom, but he can be pretty determined when he wants something badly enough. "Ben, why would—"

"Please," he laughs. "Give me a little credit. I do know a little something about subtlety."

She regards him skeptically, head cocked. "Then how do you know her entire life story?"

He shrugs, wearing his most innocent, choir boy expression. "I may have had my dad run a background check on her."

Rey feels her mouth drop open rather unattractively, but she's powerless to stop it. "You what?" she asks.

"I mean, I'm sure the school did one before they hired her, but my dad's got to have better resources, right? I figured it was best not to take any chances."

She grabs his arm, pulling him further into the corner of the room. "You had your father run a background check on Avery's kindergarten teacher?" she repeats.

He nods, and it occurs to her that he's not exhibiting the slightest bit of shame or self-consciousness. She has half an urge to laugh.

"Yeah." He drops his hands to his hips almost defiantly. "So?"

She can only shake her head, not quite sure if she wants to smack him or kiss him. He's always done a pretty good job of confusing the hell out of her. "Are you insane?" she asks. "Both of you, actually. Han should know better than to get involved."

Ben holds his head up proudly, chest puffed out like the proverbial peacock. "My dad actually praised my initiative," he declares.

Rey sighs in exasperation. "Of course he did."

"Uncle Lando, too."

She throws her hands up now, laughing. "You dragged Lando into this, too? Seriously? Are there any sane men in this family at all?"

"Well, Chewie did think it was a little drastic at first," Ben says. "But then he saw a Dateline special about abusive teachers and he came around to our way of thinking."

She shakes her head again. "Unbelievable. Un-freaking-believable. I'm going to have to stage an intervention for the overprotective, meddling men in this family. This is just—"

"Mr. and Mrs. Solo?"

They both look up to find Ms. Connix smiling at them, Avery fidgeting at her side. Rey can't help but smile as she gazes down at her daughter, adorable in her little grey sweater and ponytail. She is suddenly overcome by the urge to scoop Avery up in her arms and never let her go. Perhaps a background check wasn't the worst idea in the world.

"It looks like Avery's all settled in," Ms. Hogart says, patting the little girl on the shoulder. "Would you like to show your parents the sign that you decorated for your seat?"

Avery nods her head enthusiastically and grabs for Rey and Ben's hands, nearly dragging them across the room. Taped to the back of one of the chairs at the centre table is a yellow piece of construction paper that she's written her name on in her wonderfully sloppy print. She's drawn a picture of a blue bicycle in one corner, something that looks like an ice cream cone in another, a pair of ballet slippers in the next, and a brownish blob that's either a dog or a dinosaur in the final corner.

"Ms. Connix told me to draw some of my favourite things," she explains. "So everyone can get to know me."

Rey smiles, smoothing a hand over her daughter's dark hair. "You did a great job, sweetie." She squeezes her husband's hand. "Didn't she, Ben?"

He nods. "It's great, Ave," he finally manages. 

Avery preens happily, looking back and forth between her parents with a beaming smile. Ben tugs her against him for a moment, holding her tight, and Rey wonders if he's thinking about making a break for it. The way she's feeling at the moment, Rey would totally drive the get-away car.

"Okay, well, if it's all right with you, Avery, I'm sure your parents need to be on their way," Ms. Connix says then, the cool, polite voice of reason. "And we're going to have a great time here, right?"

Avery nods emphatically.

Ms. Connix smiles at Rey and Ben once more. "We finish at two o'clock," she reminds them quietly. "If you want to show up a little earlier, that'd be fine."

Ben nods solemnly, but his attention is focused solely on their daughter. He kneels in front of her, taking both of her hands in his, and the expression on his face nearly breaks Rey's heart.

"You're okay, Ave?" he asks gently. "You're sure?"

She nods her head, smiling. "I'm fine, Daddy. Ms. Connix says we're going to learn all about frogs today, and I don't know anything about them now."

He nods again, slowly pushing himself to his feet.

Rey takes his hand, even as she bends to press a kiss to Avery's forehead. "Have a good day, sweetie," she whispers, and Avery smiles, her cheeks flushed sweetly.

As they leave the room, neither she nor Ben looks back. There is a part of her that wonders how the other parents are handling the whole thing, and she is tempted to check them out, see if she and Ben have totally gone off the deep end. She resists somehow, entwining her fingers through his and taking slow, deep breaths until they've reached the hallway.

"She's been in preschool for two years now," she says glumly as they head for the parking lot, and she's not sure who exactly she's trying to soothe right now. "It's going to be fine."

"It's not the same," Ben says immediately. "This is real school, all day. This is the start of everything."

She bites her lip, sighing painfully.

* * *

At home, they do little more than mope around.

They have the rest of the week off from work, so she settles down on the couch with a book while Ben flips disinterestedly through the offerings of daytime television. His eyes stray to the clock nearly every five minutes, though if Rey's noticing, it's only because hers are as well. She abandons her book after barely twenty minutes because she's not in so much denial that she doesn't realize that she's been reading the same three lines over and over again. She leaves Ben to his reruns of Star Trek and heads into the kitchen, unnecessarily scrubbing the already spotless counters in an effort to keep busy.

At noon, she makes sandwiches and brings one to Ben who's sprawled out across the sofa like an advertisement for clinical depression come to life. An episode of Full House is playing on the TV now, confirming exactly how far gone he is. He lays his head in her lap after they've eaten, and somehow they manage to nap until almost one fifteen, the time that he's designated as not being too early to leave for the school.

Even before she spots them, Avery's grinning from ear to ear and it would seem that as crappy as their day has been, hers has been that much fun. She hurries over to them when she does see them, hugging them around their waists and talking a mile a minute.

"I made so many new friends," she says. "There's Josh. He has a whole bunch of coloured pencils and he let me borrow the blue one when we were drawing before. And then there's Maya. She has a big white dog at home. She showed me a picture and said that maybe I could come over and play with him sometime. And there's Eric. He's got a pool and wants me to come swimming after school. But Annie's probably my best friend. She has her ears pierced and she wears these little gold hearts with diamonds in them. They're so pretty."

Ben forces a tight smile.

Rey laughs, stroking Avery's hair. "Wow, sweetie," she says. "You sure did make a lot of new friends."

Avery nods. "And that's not even all of them," she says.

She sounds breathless and joyful, and it's impossible not to smile, just looking at her.

"What about Ms. Connix?" Ben asks. "Was she nice to you?"

His tone implies that he's hoping for a negative answer, and Rey has to resist the urge to smack his arm.

"She's super nice. And she's so smart. She knows everything about frogs. We're going to get some as pets for the classroom and then we can watch them grow up. But first they're just tadpoles. They hatch from eggs that the girl frog lays in the water. But there's got to be a boy frog around, too. Or else they don't become tadpoles. They just stay eggs."

Ben conjures up another stiff smile, but Rey can see how tightly he's clenching his jaw. She runs a hand over Avery's head, grinning enough for both of them. "Wow. You learned all of that today? That's amazing."

Avery nods excitedly. "When do I get to go back?" she asks, looking back at the school eagerly.

"Tomorrow, sweetie. Daddy and I will bring you back tomorrow."

She nods her head, jumping in place just a bit. "I can't wait!"

In the car, Ben is ominously silent. Rey lays a hand on his thigh, trying to calm him, but he just stares blankly ahead. She wonders if it's possible that kindergarten might kill him.

"Mommy?" Avery asks suddenly from the back seat. "Daddy?"

Ben perks up, like this is the moment that he's been waiting for, when Avery admits that she's only been putting on a brave face and she hates school and she hates Ms. Connix and she especially hates frogs and would Daddy please, please lock her away in a tower where mean kindergarten teachers who take mysterious sabbaticals from their undergraduate educations can never hurt her.

"Yeah, baby? What is it?"

Avery smiles, as charming as her father and as guileless as her mother. "Can I get my ears pierced?"

* * *

They're barely in bed five minutes before he starts tossing and turning.

It's been a rough day for him, for both of them actually, so it's not exactly a surprise. They took Avery out for dinner in honour of her first day, and all she wanted to talk about was school and Ms. Connix and all her wonderful new friends. When it was time for bed, she didn’t want to take off her uniform, not even the socks, until Rey assured her that she’d get to put it on again in the morning. She’d been too excited to fall asleep, so they’d had to read through almost three full stories before she drifted off.

Ben sat through all of it with a gloomy expression that put the little drawings of Eeyore on Avery’s bedspread to shame. Now he flops onto his back, throws an arm across his face, and heaves out a loud sigh. Rey turns into him, draping an arm and a leg over his body. He squeezes her thigh absently, sighing again.

“You okay?” she asks gently.

“Just thinking,” he tells her, and his tone is so petulant and pouty that he sounds like a little boy.

She rubs her nose back and forth against his chest, scooting even closer. “Do I even have to ask what you’re thinking about?”

He shoots her sheepish smile and reaches out to stroke her hair. “Probably not.”

“Have you had any epiphanies?”

He wets his lip, tilting his head against the pillow like he’s considering the question carefully. “Well, I was thinking that maybe we should consider homeschooling.”

She laughs immediately, without thinking, because he must be joking. There is no alternative. But in the darkness, she’s suddenly aware of him glaring at her and she frowns. “Oh, Ben. Come on. You can’t be serious?”

“Why not?” he demands. “Plenty of kids are homeschooled nowadays. Close to two million in the United States actually.”

She lifts her head, staring at him in disbelief. “Please, do not tell me that you actually did research on homeschooling.” When he remains stubbornly silent, she sighs. “Ben?”

“I may have googled it.”

She gapes at him, unsure what to say. “I’m going to pretend we didn’t have this conversation because I know we’re both having a really tough time with Avery going to school, but you have to know—“

“Rey, she’s in school for one day and already she’s coming home wanting to get her ears pierced, setting up swim dates with strange little boys we don’t know, and rattling off all this stuff about the reproductive habits of frogs. She’s too young for all this. This school, these kids, they’re a bad influence.”

Rey laughs again, patting his chest consolingly. “Listen to yourself. You sound insane.”

"I'm insane?" he repeats indignantly. "I'm insane because I want to protect my little girl? What's so crazy about that? It's just being a good father."

She sighs, her chest tightening, and eases herself over him. He's resistant at first, but he can't keep his arms from winding around her eventually, clutching her to him like he's afraid she might slip away from him, too. She strokes his face, smiling sympathetically. "You can't protect her from growing up, Ben. That's going to happen no matter how much we fight it." She presses her cheek to his and lowers her voice. "Besides, what are you going to do? Quit your job so you can stay home all day and teach Avery how to add and subtract and write in cursive?"

"I could work part-time."

She shakes her head, huffing out a gentle laugh. "Ben, seriously. Calm down. Today was hard because it was the first day. It'll get easier. And we'll get through it together."

He exhales slowly, like he's coming back to himself, and nods absently. She feels him consciously trying to relax his muscles, to will the agitation away. When he eventually falls asleep, he's still holding her, clutching her hand to his chest.

* * *

By the next morning, the calm is gone.

Ben's got the steering wheel in a death grip as he drives them away from Jedi Academy. They'd walked Avery to her classroom just as they had yesterday, but today's trip ended with Avery running over to Ms. Connix like she was her oldest, dearest friend and forgetting their existence entirely. Rey's heart clenched just a bit at the scene, no matter how much she tried to tell herself that it was only natural, good even that Avery was so happy at school. Ben's expression was a cross between furious and heartbroken, and he didn't say a word until they were safely tucked away in his car.

"Whose bright idea was it to take the week off from work?" he grumbles, fiddling with the radio. 

Rey smiles humourlessly. "I think you had visions of Avery freaking out and demanding that she be picked up in the middle of the day. So you could ride to the rescue."

"That could still happen," he mutters, almost under his breath.

Rey sighs, leaning her head back against the seat and staring at the window. She knows what awaits them at home, their big house that seems so empty and quiet without their little girl chattering away inside of it. It's hard enough to think about, let alone deal with in actuality. She watches as they pass by the library and then the new condos on Park Street and realizes that they're not headed home at all. She glances over at Ben, whose gaze is fixed firmly on the road ahead of him.

"Where are we going?" she asks.

"DJ's."

Rey laughs, though a shot of tequila might actually hit the spot right about now. "It's barely ten o'clock. DJ probably isn't even awake yet."

Ben shrugs. "He'll open up for us," he says confidently. "Because I need a damn drink. A good stiff drink."

And he's right - DJ is more than happy to oblige them despite the early hour, even if he's got a nasty case of bed head and he's still wearing what are probably yesterday's rumpled clothes. He even offers up Mimosas and Bloody Marys when they come through the door, until they make it clear that it's something a little more serious that they've got in mind.

"Okay, now you guys know I'm always happy to see my two favourite customers," DJ says, reaching beneath the bar for shot glasses. "You especially," he adds, winking in Rey's direction. "But what the hell's got you guys so desperate you're tossing back tequila shots at the crack of dawn?"

Rey glances over at Ben, whose head is lowered and fingers are nervously tapping the bar as he waits for DJ to fill their glasses. He is a sad, sad sight and she reaches out to rub his back.

"This is Avery's first week of kindergarten."

DJ nods. "But isn't that a happy occasion? Shouldn't we be breaking out the bubbly and bragging about how much the munchkin has grown?"

Ben snorts indelicately, throwing back the shot like it's nothing more than water.

Rey's a little more careful with hers, and still she winces as it goes down, liquid heat in her throat. "It's been a little tough on us," she explains. "We're a little—" She gestures aimlessly with her hand, and DJ's eyes seem to widen with understanding.

"Ah, I get it. Say no more."

He hurries to pour them another round, and Rey debates whether she should indulge. Given Ben's mood, she's going to have to drive home and she's not sure if she wants to attempt it with two shots under her belt. She tilts the glass on its edge, watching the amber liquid catch the light.

"Yup," DJ says conversationally. "I bet it's tough, watching the little rug rat sprout wings and fly away from the nest."

Ben glowers at him as he downs his second shot. "It's kindergarten, DJ," he barks. "She's not headed off to college or something."

DJ laughs. "I know, I know. But this is the start of all of that, right? Today she starts kindergarten, tomorrow she's graduating high school. The years just start ticking on by."

Rey frowns, suddenly feeling sick, and that gives her all the strength to push her shot glass away. She can't even bring herself to look at Ben. He's already teetering on the edge and she's afraid that DJ may have shoved him over.

"You know what might make you guys feel better?" DJ continues.

Rey looks up at him, and he grins. "Finally getting to work on baby number two. You'd get to do it all over again."

Ben clenches his jaw, and Rey figures it's a safe bet that he's thinking about decking DJ on the spot. She manages a tight smile. "That's good advice," she says. "Thanks."

"Hey. Just trying to help out."

He heads off to the other side of the bar, wiping it down with a rag, and Rey turns on her stool to look at Ben once more. He's got an elbow on the bar, head in hand, and he looks so wistful that she feels her eyes tear up.

"I was remembering the ultrasound," he says. "The day we found out we were having a girl."

She smiles, reaching out to stroke his arm. "I was thinking about that the other day myself."

"It feels like it was only yesterday. I feel like all of it's gone by just like that." Ben snaps his fingers and then shakes his head sadly.

He makes such a pitiful picture, and she is nearly overcome with the need to take him home and put him to bed. But he reaches for her then, cupping her cheek and pulling her towards him. She stays very still as his breath warms her face.

"You still love me, right?" he whispers.

Her mouth curves in response and she places a hand over his heart, because she's always felt that it's hers to protect. "More than ever," she tells him. "And so does Avery. You know that."

He breathes out slowly and eventually nods, but he doesn't seem entirely convinced. He moves just an inch forward so he can kiss her. It's a little sloppy and clumsy but he tastes warm and strong, just like the tequila, and her head is swimming so she knows she doesn't even need to take another shot. He drops his head to her shoulder after a moment, sighing against her neck.

"I hate Ms. Connix," he mutters irritably.

She smiles sympathetically, stroking his hair. "I know."

* * *

He's not even remotely drunk by the time they pick up Avery.

That's due in large part to the enormous pepperoni pizza that he devoured on their sofa at lunch and the copious amounts of both coffee and water that Rey kept shoving at him. Avery nearly skips down the front steps of the school, her smile so much like Ben's when he's truly happy that Rey finds herself rubbing at her suddenly stinging eyes.

"Did you have another good day, sweetie?"

Avery nods vigorously. She tugs on Ben's hand and he shoots her a smile of his own. "Know what I learned about frogs today, Daddy?"

"Tell me."

"When they're getting ready to have babies, the boy frog climbs on the girl frog's back and holds on tight to make sure that all the eggs turn into tadpoles. Ms. Connix showed us a picture."

Ben pales, and for a moment, Rey thinks he might honestly get sick all over the cobblestone walkway.

"And a lot of the time, the boy frogs are smaller than the girls," Avery continues happily. "And a different colour. Isn't that funny?"

He nods his head, but Rey's pretty sure that he's not even hearing her anymore. She reaches for Avery's hand, leading her towards the car. Somehow Ben manages to take Avery's other hand, though it looks more like she's guiding him than the other way around.

"That's very interesting, sweetie," Rey says gamely. "Very interesting."

"Yep. Because with people, the boys are usually bigger. Like you and Daddy. He's _so_ much bigger than you."

"He definitely is," Rey agrees, glancing at him quickly. He still looks like he might splatter pepperoni pizza all over the pavement at any moment.

Avery tugs on her hand to get her attention. "When you and Daddy made me, did he climb on your back and hold on—"

"Hey, I've got a great idea," Rey says hurriedly, and she's too much of a coward at the moment to even look Ben's way. "How about if I make macaroni and cheese tonight?"

Avery's eyes light up, like her father, she can often be distracted with the promise of good food. "With all the breadcrumbs like I like?"

"Absolutely."

* * *

He doesn't even wait for Rey to crawl into bed before he goes off.

"Catholic school," he tells her as she's slathering moisturizer over her arms. "I think that's our best option at this point."

She looks at him over her shoulder, frowning. "We're not even Catholic, Ben. Why would you want to send Avery to one?"

He shakes his head stubbornly. "I still think it's a good idea."

Rey sighs, throwing up her hands. "Why would she be any better off in a Catholic school? She's already in private school."

"I've heard those nuns can be really tough," Ben says. "And I'm pretty damn sure that they don't go running around telling five-year-olds all about how frogs hump. They definitely don't show them pictures of it, for fuck's sake."

She laughs quietly, turning around on the mattress to face him. "I don't think nuns really teach that much anymore."

"Really?" he asks, sounding disappointed. "You sure?"

She lays a hand on his knee and frowns. "Okay, you're really starting to scare me now. I know this is difficult. I'm not handling it well myself, but you're going off the deep end."

He rearranges the blankets in his lap almost primly. "You know, I don't know how you can be so calm about this," he says. "It doesn't bother you at all that your daughter is coming home talking about frog sex? That doesn't concern you at all?"

He's so serious, so earnest, that she has to bite her lip to keep from laughing again. "Ben, it's just frogs."

"Just frogs?" he repeats incredulously. "Now it's frogs but pretty soon it'll be, I mean, God, Rey. She was asking you about the sexual positions we like and—"

"Oh, come on." Rey laughs. "She asked a perfectly normal, natural question that children everywhere ask their parents at one time or another. You want to blame Ms. Connix for that?"

He nods emphatically. "Damn right I do. She put the idea in Avery's head with all this talk of frog sex."

"Seriously. Avery would have asked about it eventually. If it wasn't the reproductive cycle of the frog that did it, it would have been something she saw on TV or something a friend told her. Hell, she might even overhear one of your particularly dirty lines sometime. Because, you know, you're not whispering them quietly as you think you are most of the time."

He narrows his eyes almost viciously. "Okay. Forget it then. Obviously, I'm just a crazy, overprotective father and that's that."

In a huff, he flips out the light on his side of the bed and stretches out beneath the covers. Rey sighs, guilt lodging itself in her chest like a stone. She turns off her light as well and crawls into bed beside him. His back is a rigid, angry line, and she strokes it gently, trying to soothe him just a bit.

"Hey," she whispers. "I'm sorry, okay? I don't mean to belittle your feelings."

He stays stubbornly silent, but his body relaxes just a bit.

"I think that this is all beside the point anyway," Rey continues. "Because none of it is what's really bothering you - the frogs and the ear piercing and the little boys with pools. That's not what's really keeping you up at night."

Ben turns then, looking up at her with dark, shining eyes. "Oh, yeah?" he says hoarsely. "Then what is it?"

She reaches out and runs her fingers along his cheek. "You're afraid that she's not going to need you anymore. Need us."

He hesitates for a moment, almost holding his breath. "You're not afraid of that?" he whispers.

She smiles sadly. "I'm terrified," she admits. "But I know that's irrational. I tell myself it's irrational."

It's Ben's turn to smile now and the sight of it inexplicably brings tears to her eyes. "How very reasonable of you," he says kindly. "But when are feelings ever reasonable or rational?"

She laughs because she's so tired and he's right and nothing else seems to make sense. His hand winds through her hair and he tugs her against him so she can use him as a pillow. They lie together in the dark for a long time, both feeling terrified and irrational and totally unreasonable, until they eventually fall asleep.

* * *

They're both cranky as hell the next morning and it seems like it's going to take a ridiculous amount of coffee to shake them out of their funk.

Even Avery seems to notice, eyeing them with concern as she climbs out of the car. "Are you guys feeling sick?" she asks.

Ben laughs, sounding almost like his usual self. "Oh, no, Ave. We feel just great."

He drives them straight home, and once again, the house seems preternaturally quiet, like it's been abandoned. Ben flops down on the sofa and Rey sinks into the cushions beside him, sighing loudly.

"I can promise you one thing," she says.

He almost smiles. "And what's that?"

"_I_ am always going to need you," she tells him. "I can guarantee that."

He flushes, a full blown smile curving his mouth. "Really? Because I've been thinking that Avery totally gets the whole self-sufficient thing from you."

He's teasing and she welcomes it, particularly the happy, mischievous look in his eyes that's been woefully absent the past few days.

"Well," she says cheekily. "I guess there's a fine line between need and want."

He chuckles, winding an arm around her. "There definitely is."

He leans his head against hers and lets out a quiet little sigh and the sense of happiness that floods over her is nearly overwhelming. She realizes then that they're not just irrational and unreasonable. They're damn fools to be wallowing here like their lives are over.

Their daughter is in school. Big deal. She's bright and happy and healthy, probably better than they deserve in every way. They've been married for nearly six years, been together for nearly eight, and not only do they still love one another like mad, they still actually like one another. She knows plenty of married couples who can't say that. There's no reason for them to feel sorry for themselves. None at all.

She nods her head emphatically at the thought. "Okay, today, there will be no moping around," she declares. "And no boozing it up at DJ's"

Ben looks at her with curiosity. "Okay..." he says slowly. "So what are we going to do until two o'clock? We've got like four hours to kill."

Wow, she thinks. He must really be out of sorts if he needs an answer to that question. "You know," she begins speculatively. "There have been plenty of times in recent years when we were dying for a few hours alone together."

He looks surprised, torn between keeping up with the pout he's got going on and allowing himself to smile. "Rey?"

"We could distract each other," she says. "We've always been really good at that, haven't we?"

He cocks his head, like he's considering the question, but she doesn't wait for a response. She slides into his lap, straddling him, and then, without really trying, he finds a gap between the buttons of her shirt and he's nuzzling her cleavage like this was all he was after all morning.

Her husband, after all, has never been one to turn down sex.

"I should warn you," he breathes against her skin. "It's going to take a lot to distract me."

She laughs, clutching him to her as they maneuver on the narrow sofa. In some ways, parenthood has put a cramp in their style, particularly as Avery's gotten older. They can't just go at it on the floor in front of the sofa on nights when the effort of making it up to the bed seems a little too much, because she might wake up, wanting water or another blanket or the chance to con them into another bedtime story. This, fooling around on the living room couch in broad daylight, feels almost scandalous and naughty and quite a bit like the people they were when they first started seeing each other.

"At least all this frog talk hasn't dampened your enthusiasm," she teases, her lips pressed to his ear.

He throws his head back, groaning. "Please, can we leave the frogs out of this?"

She decides to take mercy on him, mainly because he's had such a rough week but also because she's feeling rather desperate herself. She grinds against his lap, her thighs squeezing his hips. He groans again, but it's a deeper sound this time and he manages to pluck at the pearly little buttons that hold her shirt closed. He gasps in surprise when he sees that she's wearing her tiniest, laciest, blackest, most gravity defying bra, the one that makes it look like her breasts are being served up on a silver platter.

"You planned this," he accuses, eyes wide.

She tugs his shirt up and off, and bats her eyes innocently. "Excuse me?" she demures. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

He laughs, tracing a finger along the edge of her bra. "Come on, Rey. I know this bra. I know that you don't often wear it when you have nothing more planned than lazing around in front of the TV."

She runs her nails across his chest, her head tilted thoughtfully. "You are becoming awfully suspicious in your old age."

He glares at her, and then without warning, his hand slips beneath her skirt so he can cop a generous feel of her ass. She squeals in protest, nearly breathless with giggles, as his suspicions are confirmed. Her panties are just as lacy and non-existent as her bra.

"Oh, right," he whispers teasingly. "You usually take Avery to school in a g-string?"

She shrugs, smiling coyly as she begins to work his belt open. "Maybe I just forgot to do the laundry."

He lifts a hand to her cheek and his expression is suddenly serious. "You didn't forget anything," he says. "You knew I was upset and you wanted to cheer me up. Isn't that right?"

She offers him a sheepish smile, her cheeks warm. "I'm hoping it'll cheer us both up actually."

He nods, gazing at her intently, but then, just like that, he's smirking. "Yeah, well, you know me. I'm a cheerful guy."

Without warning, he's flipped them so she's lying across the sofa beneath him, staring up into his flushed face. He's always touched her like he can't possibly get enough and he almost tears her panties when he pulls them off her. She doesn't waste time trying to get him out of his clothes. She simply pulls his jeans open, tugs his boxer briefs out of the way, and takes him into her hand. He moans into her mouth, kissing her even as she starts to move her hand over him, and in that moment, she couldn't possible feel more needed. She wraps her legs around his hips and he slides home and the groan that rips from her throat almost hurts.

"Jesus," she sighs. "Those damn frogs have nothing on you."

He laughs and she feels the vibration all the way through to the centre of her.

"And don't you forget it," he pants.

She pushes her hips up against him, trying to get him to pick up the pace, but he clutches at her thigh, stilling her.

"Slowly," he tells her. "We've got the whole day to distract ourselves."

She laughs now, but adopts his slow, unhurried pace so they're moving in sync. 

It's a while before either of them notices the time.

* * *

Apparently, all it takes is some pretty amazing sex to change one's perspective.

By the time they make it to Avery's school to pick her up, they've more or less resigned themselves to the current situation.

"Okay, so we're agreed, then?" Rey says as they wait for Avery's class to be dismissed. "We smile and be enthusiastic about whatever she's done today and ask questions and just act like we're fine with everything."

"Right," Ben agrees, but his expressions sours a bit when he spots Ms. Connix leading Avery from the building. "You may just need to remind me a few hundred times."

"Mr. and Mrs. Solo, it's good to see you again."

Rey smiles, shooting a nervous glance Ben's way. He's on his best behaviour, though, his most polite, forced smile on full display.

"It's good to see you too, Ms. Connix."

"Hey, Ave," Ben says brightly. "Did you have a good day?"

She nods, though her smile seems just a bit faded. Rey smoothes a hand over her hair and she immediately reaches for her mother's hand, entwining their fingers together tightly.

"I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to speak to you yesterday afternoon," Ms. Connix says. "But the first few days of school are always a little hectic. I just wanted to let you know that Avery's been doing great. She listens when she's supposed to and she's very helpful with the other children when they need it. She's a delight. Very thoughtful and independent."

Ben beams down at his daughter proudly. "Well, we've always liked her," he teases.

Ms. Connix says her good-byes, off to chat with another set of parents, and Rey looks down at Avery, who's yawning and rubbing at her eyes a bit.

"Everything okay, sweetie?" she asks as they head for the car. "You had a good day?"

Avery nods again. "I did. Today we all got maps and we had to find the street we lived on and draw in our house."

"Wow," Ben says. "That sounds cool."

She nods her head absently. "It was."

"You're sure you're okay?" Rey asks, helping her into the car. "Nothing's wrong?"

"I'm okay," Avery says. "It's just..." she pauses, then sighs dramatically. "It"s been a long week. That's all."

Ben and Rey look at one another, trying hard not to laugh.

"It has been," Ben says finally. "That's why it's a good thing it's Friday. You don't have to go to school for two whole days."

Avery smiles. "Really?"

"Really," Rey agrees.

When they get home, Avery wants to ride her bike at the park so Rey and Ben wind up on a bench, arguing with her about her helmet.

"I'm not gonna fall," she insists. "Why do I have to wear it?"

"We don't want your brain to be damaged because of something as simple as a bike accident. We're not taking any chances."

Avery pouts in Ben's direction, figuring him to be the softie.

"Mommy's right,' he tells her. "And you've got too special a brain to even risk it."

She kicks at a patch of grass, grumbling under her breath, but eventually puts the helmet on her head and allows him to tighten the chin strap. He and Rey lean back, watching as she begins to navigate the bike path.

"You think she's okay?" Ben asks. "She seems..." He shakes his head, trailing off.

"I think maybe it's all just catching up with her. You know, the excitement and stress of the week." She elbows him in the side. "Kind of the way it did with you."

He laughs, grabbing hold of her and tickling just a bit. "Oh, yeah, like I was the only one freaking out here."

"All I know is, I don't have a personal vendetta against her teacher, okay?"

He smiles, wrapping an arm around her shoulders and fixing his gaze on Avery. For a moment, they both just watch her in silence. Rey holds her breath as Avery makes a jerky turn, smiling when she pulls it off without falling.

"She's always going to be my little girl," Ben says suddenly, his voice low but sure. "Even when she's grown up, with kids of her own. Even when she doesn't need me anymore."

Rey smiles, stretching up to press a kiss to his jaw. "She'll always need you."

Ben presses a kiss to the top of her head, and they stay like that for a while, just leaning into one another, until Avery bikes over, her helmet slightly askew.

Rey smiles at her. "It's nearly dinner time and Daddy promised that he'd barbecue tonight."

Avery nods her head as Ben stands and swings her up into his arms. She giggles as she flies through the air around him.

"Well, then," he drawls. "I say it's time to go home so I can get grilling."

Avery claps excitedly. "Cheeseburgers?" she asks. "Will you make cheeseburgers?"

"Whatever you want."

"We had cheeseburgers at lunch today," she informs them. "But they weren't really cheeseburgers. They were made out of turkey meat." She wrinkles her nose, looking at Rey for sympathy. "You know I don't like burgers that are made out of turkey."

Rey smiles in understanding. "I do, sweetie."

"So you don't buy them anymore," Avery continues. "But they don't know in the school cafeteria that I don't like them so they didn't make regular ones." Perched in his arms, she pats at her father's shoulder. "And they don't know that I like my bun toasted and the cheese melted on the meat. They just put it on afterward so it hadn't really melted at all. I don't like it like that."

Ben laughs, hugging her to him. "Nobody does, Ave. Nobody does."

They start to make their way toward home, Avery nestled in Ben's arms and Rey wheeling the bike beside them.

"If the food doesn't get any better," Rey says. "You can always bring it from home."

Avery brightens at this. "You'd make it?"

Rey nods. "Me or Daddy."

Avery regards Ben dubiously. "Daddy makes good burgers but he doesn't know how to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich the right way so I want you to—"

"Hey, now. Wait a second," Ben objects. "I don't—"

"You're supposed to put the peanut butter on one piece of bread and the jelly on the other and smoosh them together," Avery declares passionately. "You put the peanut butter and jelly on the same piece and leave the other bread plain. That's not the right way, Daddy."

He smiles, shaking his head. "Well, I guess it's a good thing we've got Mommy then," he says, looking over at Rey knowingly. "We need her to make all of our peanut butter and jelly sandwiches."

Avery nods. "We do. But we need her for a lot of other things, too."

Ben grins. "Yeah, I guess we do," he agrees.

"What about Daddy?" Rey asks. "Do we need him for anything?"

"For cheeseburgers," Avery says automatically. "And chocolate chip pancakes." She tilts her head, regarding him intently. "And for getting things off the high shelves in the kitchen and piggy back rides at the beach when the sand is too hot..." she pauses, catching Rey's eye. "We need him for a lot too, Mommy."

Rey smiles up at Ben, rubbing Avery's back. "I agree, sweetie. We absolutely need him." Her gaze never leaves his.

That night, they both sleep like babies.


End file.
